It’s that time of year…

It’s that time of year for…the world according to the advertising folks.

Miracle diets –and– mattress shopping

            So, while I am munching on some of the “top 10 foods to burn fat” that now reside in my purse, I am shopping in a mattress store to find the most comfortable one that will prevent me from getting out of bed to exercise. Side note: it’s ALWAYS the time of year for mattress shopping!

It’s that time of year for…

Saving starving animals –and– protecting endangered species

Watching from my window as one of the many feral cats my neighbor feeds finishes digging in my garden to cover its poop then pounces on a ground-feeding bird to kill it. Feral cats are not hunting to feed themselves, because neighborhoods organize mass feedings! Outdoor cats are an invasive species!

It’s that time of year for…

Spending money you don’t have on presents no one needs –then– fighting crowds the day after Christmas to exchange and return all the presents.

            Meaning well one year, my brother-in-law gave my sister the best vacuum cleaner he could find. Mrs. Glamour Puss almost divorced him, while pulling a four-day sulk that ruined the holiday for everyone. Did I mention she is the queen of sulk?

It’s that time of year for…

Sales people asking “are you ready for [fill in the holiday]?” — and — Shoppers getting in line in the middle of the night, pushing, yelling, running over each other, filling carts to spoil their kids, or mindlessly filling credit cards online.

Reminds me of a pack of coyotes. Ah, ‘tis the season of joy, peace, and goodness!

 It’s that time of year for…

Endless recipes, menus, and party plans to stuff our faces in celebration of something.  –and– just days later, a load of broadcast guilt for having stuffed our faces.

 The irony is stunning! It’s amazing how advertising can numb brains. All the advice about resolutions just adds to the notion that we are our own worst enemy. One morning show commentator tells us to stop using Jan. 1 to start “good behavior.” Instead she suggests starting a month or two earlier. As though sneaking up on THE DAY will make you more resolute?

 Speaking about advertising, have you heard about the online banking app (like I’m going to do that!) that – wow! – gives you your paycheck two days early? Has no one figured out that only happens once? Two days before actual pay day next month you will be just as broke as you were before. Think about that.

It’s that time of year for…

Buying a car. –and– Buying furniture [I guess to go with all the mattresses.]

Frankly, I don’t need a new car, and I’m afraid of things people expect cars to do these days. I fear I’d have to go to school to learn how to use all the digital gadgets that are supposed to make driving safer and more enjoyable. What if I set the stay-in-your-lane thingy to the wrong lane, and I’m suddenly driving on the wrong side of the road? And that stop-the-car-before-impact sensor that only reads things big enough to be another vehicle? Well, I do know someone who might get that readout. What if I figure out how to put on a movie and then fall asleep as I do on my couch?

            The good side is I will no doubt get one big enough to lug my furniture purchases home. Problem is, I’ll never figure out how to make the four rows of seats disappear into the chassis so I can load on the couch!

For me, it’s the time of year to hide in my house, fall asleep to old movies (on my old couch), see only the people I love, and imagine myself thinner (and taller, while I’m at it!), and be happy with myself in general.

I hope you all had the best holidays this year, and find joy and peace in the New Year. And don’t forget to vote.